It is not easy for me to “make friends.” I don’t want to assume I can’t and I don’t want give up too easily, but it does seem that people need things I don’t have to give and it’s really hard to purposely share amazing experiences or activities when you don’t have a friend to go and do them with.

I still think there is a lot of value in your response. I am a very authentic but often miss the mark on being respectful. I don’t think I really understand what makes others feel respected.

In general, I feel limited by not having connections and by not having “stuff” to give or money to spend. I have felt that way most of my life.

Thanks again.

But I do have at least one personal realization to share. I realized how hard it was for me to ask others (even my friends) for help. Perhaps it has something to do with not being vulnerable. Yet if any of my friends or my acquaintances asked, I would be more than happy to help them. So why would my friends respond any different? So I’ve taken to practicing asking for help… starting with something as simple as, can I get a ride? In turn, I would offer up my help whenever they needed it.

The problem is when we try withdrawing social capital without having first built it up. The other problem is also not knowing what you’re really asking for. How would you feel if someone who hasn’t talked with you for ten years asks you for a job, any job out of the blue?

What does it take to build capital? Well, here is what would build social capital with me:

* Talking about meaningful things I care about.
* Collaborating with me on something important
* Allowing me to share some of my wisdom (I have an ego afterall)
* Taking part in an amazing shared experience or activity
* Understanding and empathizing with me needs
* Helping me out when I need it
* Even doing business with me in a respectful and authentic way

Really I just like to be treated like a human being, and if there are ways we can help each other. Awesome! But that’s not the only reason we are together. I figure that others want to be treated the same way. I really believe that having real, authentic connections is not just good for self-interest, but it’s also good for the group.

I do have some specific ways I try to form connections. I try to get together regularly with people I respect so that we can talk about life. I try to find out about people’s life pursuits so that I can help them in some way. I try to connect with more distant acquaintances just to see how they’re doing without any expectation. And if I really want something, I’ll be direct and ask without hiding my intentions.

Hope that helps!
Chris

I have to admit that it’s been a serious challenge for me to intentionally cultivate those relationships. I don’t feel like I’m building relationships with an honourable intention when I have an ulterior motive…